By now, you probably know that every woman is different when it comes to being prepared for se x. And hopefully, by now, you likely know how important foreplay is before engaging in intercourse, especially for a woman. But if you’re still subscribing to the notion that simply kissing her neck or barely touching her will make her lubricated and ready-to-go, then it’s time for a lesson in female lubrication, stat.
“There’s a common misconception that people think that women get immediately wet just as men can almost immediately get hard,” says Wendy Strgar, author of Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy. “Even after a woman starts getting wet, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s ready for penetration. Women’s arousal starts in the brain, which is why men should consider ‘setting the mood’ far in advance of se xual play.”
So how do you ensure that she has the best experience in the bedroom and that her body reaps the full benefits? Here, women share the real things that get them wet:
1. TALK TO HER
Communication is the arguably one of the most important foundations of a relationship, and that extends to more than just friendly banter and debates. Many studies and recent research indicate that having an open, healthy conversation about your se x life — both out of and in the bedroom — will benefit both you and your partner in the long run. Feeling comfortable enough to talk dirty and express how you like it (and where you like it) shows your girlfriend how committed you are to a healthy se xual dialogue. Lucy, a 28-year-old in London, says when her and her boyfriend are really going at it, she loves when he whispers into her ear something he enjoys doing or taunts her. It instantly makes her more turned on.
2. DON’T BE AFRAID OF HER BODY
“So many guys start by touching me and when I make any sort of noise, they push harder or stop and try to have se x right away, and it’s a big turn off,” says Chicago-based 29-year-old, Rebecca. “I wish men would take more time to listen and learn how to touch me down there instead of rushing it to get to se x.” It’s estimated that most men — sorry to break it to you — have no idea how to handle the female cli toris, even though it should be the first priority during touching, oral and va ginal se x. Next time you’re starting to venture South, ask your girl to show you exactly what she likes, ask questions and be receptive to feedback. She’ll thank you — many times over.
3. MAKE EYE CONTACT
Though simply looking lovingly into her eyes isn’t going to make her instantly get wet, the lesson here is making intimacy a priority in your relationship and your sex life. “Sometimes while we’re having se x, my boyfriend will stop, kiss me really hard and look me directly into the eyes as he continues,” 27-year-old Nicole from Boston says. “There’s something so intense when he does it and it makes me want to pull him even deeper inside of me.” While this is an easy feat in missionary, consider adding this layer of connection while doing it doggy by asking her to look at you and kissing her with intensely. This shows her how much you’re invested in not only getting each other off, but making sure you’re working as a team and your passion is strong.
4. DON’T BE QUIET
Just like you enjoy hearing her moans and groans during se x, your girlfriend gets turned on when you respond to her movements and techniques too. “It drives me crazy when a guy is quiet in bed! Especially when I’m working hard to make sure he’s happy,” Kayla, 25, from Miami says. “When I do hear a guy really getting into it, it makes me turned on and more into giving him what he wants.” Though you might be conditioned to keep it quiet (thanks to early days of masturbating in your childhood bedroom) it’s actually counterproductive to getting your girl excited. You don’t need to scream, but respond to what she’s doing.
5. CHANGE UP THE SPEED
Often what makes se x exciting is not knowing what to expect. “I like monotonous 10-minute se x” — said no one ever. When you’re having se x with someone over a long period of time, it’s not only important to vary positions, but speed too. Kristin, a 31-year-old from Los Angeles says that her boyfriend consistently gets her wet by keeping her guessing: “He’ll start off slow and then really go deep and intense, then back to slow,” she described. “I never know how it’ll go or how we’ll switch positions or speed, it keeps me invested and turned on.”