80 percent of women have faked an orgasm at some point in their lives, with many are doing so regularly. Women generally orgasm far less frequently than men (69 percent of the time they have sex, compared with 95 percent, according to one study), so if there’s “oohing” and “ahhing” at the end of every session, well…
you do the math.
This research attempts to prioritize women’s narratives about orgasm to fill in some of these gaps which men find incomprehensible,
In other words: this is a feedback from real women with real stories explaining the real reasons why they fake it.
- They don’t want their partner to feel bad — or worse, like a failure
In the study, research based on interviews by women volunteers showed that women often fake orgasms to “reinforce their partner’s sexual skills”—out of concern their partner might feel inadequate for not being able to provide the ultimate climax.
“Sometimes just because I want to get it over with I just make them feel better. Like, ‘Yayyyy,’ or whatever. I want them to feel like they accomplished something with me,” said Angelica, 32, during her interview.
This mentality allows women to protect their relationship by protecting their partner’s ego.
“I fake my orgasms, I do, yes,” Shantele, another participant in the study, said. “Sometimes some guys are very insecure and they feel like if I’m not coming they didn’t do their job. Sometimes faking it can serve as positive reinforcement—it’s like cheering him on and encouraging him. Imagine him up there sweating it out and I am down there not coming. I thinks it kills men”
Another woman participant added “I rarely fake an orgasm in my current relationship, but there were a few times at the beginning when I did, mostly because I was not relaxed enough to have a real one,” she wrote. “He was doing all the right things and the sex was great so I didn’t want to discourage him.”
- They want the sex to be over with, like yesterday.
It was also proved in the research that faking an orgasm is also used as an exit strategy—what afemale respondent calls “strategically ending sexual interactions”—when women aren’t enjoying sex.
“I fake it just to get it over with,” said Florence, a 38-year-old bisexual woman said.“You don’t want it at all and it’s sad. I just want it to end, but you can’t say ‘Stop! We’re done.’ I’m not a hurtful person.”
Ebere, a 24-year-old participant, echoed the sentiment. “I faked an orgasm to get the guy off of me, just because I was done or just wasn’t into it or felling the nigga.”
Simply not being in the mood is just one of many factors that can cause a woman to lose interest. Others include lack of attraction, pain (self-lubrication is not limitless, folks), exhaustion, boredom, stress or, in some cases, just really bad sex.
As one 35-year-old woman not involved in the study explained to TILB, “The times that I have faked it was because I just felt like the guy was going very hard, and that gets odd and uninteresting after 10 minutes. Some Naijan Guys feel like the harder they go the faster you have an orgasm. Nothing could be further from the truth!”
Of course, this type of bad sex is more likely to happen during one-night stands—which is when women report the fewest orgasms—and people who have been married for more than 2 years marks another instance when women tend to fake it just to make it stop.
“I feel like that’s the go-to move during those times when hubby just wants to fuck but I am not in the mood or plain tired but as a christian wife, I cant say no to him,” a 28-year-old woman said. “all i just do even if I am tired is to let him in and then scream for a few minutes and then have a fake orgasm. if I dont do this, he will keep pounding away thinking I am enjoying the torture. so I just fake it cos once I fake it, he will concentrate on him self and release and free me”
- They feel abnormal (and judged) for not being able to orgasm.
Last but not least is that some women fake it because they felt ashamed for not being able to come—as if an inability to orgasm was solely their responsibility and had nothing to do with their partner.
“I’ve struggled with this for a long time because I always hear how women have orgasms all the time during sex. I never seem to from intercourse alone so I always have to fake it just to feel like a woman and appear normal to my husband,” said Hannah, a 57-year-old participant in the study. “I don’t want him to know that I’m one of those women who can’t get aroused from a penis inside her.”
Feelings of guilt or inadequacy during sex are common. As one 28-year-old explained, “I have never faked an orgasm—I just have left some guys feeling like, ‘Ugh what is wrong with you?’”
The truth is, as this research and many others have pointed out, the road to climaxing varies among women, and it’s up to them and their partners to figure out what works.
For example, some women strictly need clitoral stimulation to climax. In fact, a recent study published in Clinical Anatomy claims the infamous G-spot—and thus, vaginal orgasms—doesn’t even exist.
Indeed, another study claimed that the mind that holds the key to a female orgasm. Specifically, the more relaxed and comfortable a woman is, and the more she can focus on her body and erotic thoughts, the more likely she is to come.
One common theme? Regardless of the reason, not coming is not uncommon.
What does it all mean?
The takeaway here is that faking orgasms happens when lines of communication are broken—specifically, when women don’t feel comfortable telling their partners why they aren’t coming.
This research helps women to have better sex lives by putting women into communication with each other about these important topics, Too often, conversations about orgasms are invisible and silent.
So ladies, the next time you don’t come, consider talking to your partner. Because sex is more fun when everyone’s getting off.