1. You were sexually or emotionally abused as a child
Nigeria is not a place where we delve deep into someone’s psyche to determine the reason behind or resolve certain situations or attitudes. You are acting crazy, someone is doing you in your village. You were abused by your neighbour’s brother’s cousin at five, it must be your fault. “Why did you too go there?” Waya! Waya! Waya! The whip falls. And it ends there. For the rest of your life, you would be branded an ashewo for what happened to you when you were barely a toddler. You are caught too close to a young man in your teens – “You! You will not leave boys alone!” You bury all the hurt in your heart without knowing you are doing so. As an adult, you develop trust issues. You were raised to grin and bear it so you never question what happened to you as child or relate it to current streak of broken relationships. Nah! They are doing you from your village. Church is the answer. Dr. Chris Ojigbani and Pastor Sign Fireman will save you.
2. You witnessed too many instances of domestic violence among “loving” couples
It was standard in your family to see the sitting room turned into a boxing ring with mom and dad duking it out. Sometimes, it was dad throwing all the punches and mum screaming. Later, your grandma and grandpa will come, mum will cry some more as they scold her for disobeying her husband and failing to endure. When you got older, you saw something similar happen with your friends at university – with their boyfriends! “Nah! My spirit can’t take this. If this is what it means to be married or in a relationship – endure and endure emotional abuse, I best remain alone forever,” became your mantra. And no matter how much friends and family would later try to convince you that it is not all marriages, you would never listen. The damage has been done.
3. You are just a hustler
From day one, you have been all about the money. Your mama told you: “You need to take it easy if not you will just chase men away.” But you don’t know how to be anything else but you. You were born for the hustle. You can’t just sit still and let the opportunities pass you by because someone somewhere decided it was not your place as a woman. Then when the future husband finally came and saw you jumping taxi, making calls, cutting your deals, and visiting your accounts officer, he issued a decree: “No, no, no! When we get married, you have to stop all this. Who will take care of our children?” Suddenly, he becomes an ardent campaigner against having domestic servants. “I don’t like all these house girl things. My children will not be raised by housemaid.” Meanwhile, you don’t see him making any moves to shore up whatever you may lose as income if you quit your many hustle. “Nna, I am coming,” you say, as you zoom off in your Ferrari without looking back. You need a self-respecting man who is as ambitious as you are not some dream killer, you explain to your mother who has reported you to pastor.
4. You are a single parent
You have had your chance at love and lost it, but you got something from it, a beautiful child. Maybe as a result of the heartbreak and disappointment you experienced from your true love and subsequent would be true loves, you decided:“You know what, I am just gonna focus on my child.” And come rain or high water, you stuck to your guns and the fruit of your womb, remained the apple of your eye for the rest of your life, till death do you part.
5. You were just born this way
Yes. Yes. Even the Bible says so. I mean, our Lord Jesus Christ himself (and I am paraphrasing here) said: “Some were born eunuchs, some were made eunuchs by others and some choose to be eunuchs.” Yes, I know he said “eunuchs,” making you think he was referring to only men. But, please, he made us male and female; meaning, what a man can do, a woman can do too (and even better).
So all these rules you people are making and trying to enforce on only one sex: it’s time you all just open your eyes, and let people, whether male or female, be the best that their God has made them to be without applying your own restrictions in the form of outdated traditions and perceptions. Don’t hate, imitate so you too can elevate your life.
And if you are one of those people who spit, shrug your shoulders and snap your fingers over your head, swearing not to marry a woman like Linda Ikeji who wants to feed her husband, hence control him, don’t worry your little head then. I doubt someone like her will ever cross paths with, for too long if ever, or wish to marry someone like you or your brother.