Life will never seem as beautiful as it does when you’re in love. And you will never be happier than when you’re in love. You’ll also never feel more pain than when you find yourself in love.
Being in love is the climax of life; it embodies everything it means to be alive to the fullest.
My life, as I’m sure many of yours are as well, is basically divvied up into sections divided by women. Each significant chapter in my life has a bit of a love story. Some love stories are short-lived, but others will leave a lasting impression on your person.
It’s said that people don’t like change, and while that may usually be the case, falling in love is an exception. Not only do people enjoy the changes that are associated with falling for a person, they desire them.
1. Falling in love isn’t just starting a new chapter in your life
It’s starting a new life entirely. What people often fail to realize is that the moment you fall in love is the moment you stop being the person that you were. You change. Think about what makes you, you.
Sure, you have all the physical attributes. But more importantly, what makes you the person you are, is the way that you experience and interpret the world around you.
What makes you the unique individual you are isn’t just your looks or your abilities. It isn’t even only the experiences you’ve had and the things you’ve seen. What makes you the person that you are right now is the way you experience the world and how you interpret that which you experience.
That which you give most importance to and that which you find to be trivial are the two things that define the person that you are. Falling in love causes you to shift your entire perspective. It changes you because it changes the entire way that you see the world.
2. Love isn’t just blinding. It’s also revealing
It reveals you to yourself. Falling in love feels like a new beginning because that’s exactly what it is. When you fall in love for the first time, you get to meet yourself for the first time in your life.
You experience emotions and thoughts that you never before could believe existed inside you. You see your vulnerability and your need for having a particular person in your life. The moment you fall in love is the moment you realize you aren’t enough.
We all “know” that people need other people in their lives in order to be happy, but not until you fall in love do you realize how deep that need goes. Nor do you realize how far you will go to get the person you desire.
Falling in love makes us do things, say things and believe things we never expected we’d be capable of doing, saying, believing. It pushes us to extremes we may not have even thought we were capable of. It can, and often does, also introduce us to a much darker side of the soul.
3. Love isn’t all rainbows and butterflies — where there is light, there is darkness looming around the bend
If love was all good feelings and happiness then — let’s be honest — we wouldn’t find it nearly as intriguing as we do. It’s because we know the dark path that loving often leads us on that we find ourselves so entranced. Just as love reveals all the good in you, it also reveals all the bad. It reveals the darkness that lies in your soul.
We all have that darkness inside us — we just aren’t familiar with it until we’ve loved. We find ourselves fighting this inner struggle of selfishness and selflessness, a fight that more often than not leads to everyone losing and no one winning.
We try to both be independent and at the same time a part of a bigger whole. We get confused. Find ourselves lost and questioning the new reality that falling in love has created for us. Is it real? Or is it all just an illusion?
Imagine… falling in love builds you an entirely new world, an entirely new reality, a new truth. Then, down the line when things get more complicated and less black and white, we begin to lose sight of that novel reality. It all begins to get fuzzy and our uncertainty punishes us; it hurts.
It hurts to think that the love of you life, your world, isn’t what you believed it to be. It hurts to even think that everything that you’ve believed to be true may have all been in your imagination. The life you’ve just begun is about to end and a newer, darker version of you begins to take form.
4. Every time we fall in love, we start a cycle of beginning and ending, of rebirth and death
The person you are changes as the way you perceive your love changes. As the way you look at your lover changes over the years, so does the person that you’ve become. Not every love must necessarily end in darkness, but I’d argue that your first love necessarily does.
If falling in love the first time and failing to keep the love alive doesn’t change you a few shades darker, then you probably haven’t yet experienced love.
Life and love are beautiful because of the seemingly paradoxical contrasts they allow for. With beauty there is ugliness. With light there is darkness. With pleasure there is pain. With life there is death.
Falling in love teaches you that without one, you can’t have the other. This is what makes relationships so damn complicated. Yet, it’s also what makes falling in love so perfect.