1. Please be a b*tt guy. Our b00bs are ace and we know it, but telling us you’re a boob guy may not exactly be the biggest turn-on.
2. Our br@ size will be a MYSTERY to you. One date our push-up will make us look like Pammy, the next we’ll be br@ free in a slinky little cami. We’re boob-magicians.
3. Yes, our b00bs will look bigger sometimes. And yes, it’s great. But it’s probably down to hormones and stuff, so don’t get too rough and ready with them, they’re sensitive.
4. Don’t ever, ever let your hands wander aimlessly around our chest as if you’re, well, ‘searching’ for them. By all means cup them at your leisure but always know where you’re shooting for. Imagine us putting our hands down your pants then taking a good ten seconds before we find your jackpot. It would feel like a sh*t eternity right? Yeah that.
5. Our underwear will be super $exy. With small b00bs comes the greatest choice of $exy underwear you could imagine. Please do compliment it before you rip it off. Cheers.
6. Feel free to casually drop into conversation how much you love our b00bs. Every gal has their hang-ups some days, so it’s always good to know you think are b00bs our gorge just as they are. Especially if we’ve just been served by a waitress with HUGE basoomas. #BoobEnvy
7. But we love them really. We might moan about them from time to time, but having small b00bs with no back ache, cute bralets and minimal sagging kinda rocks.
8. So NEVER ask if we’ve thought about getting a boob job. Ever. Unless you want to be sleeping on the sofa for the near future.
9. Never try and buy us underwear. Unless it’s a cute little lacy crop top or some knickers you’ve checked against the ones in our drawer – AVOID. We may be a 32C, but we can guarantee we’re a 30D and a 34B in another brand/cut/material.
10. Our b00bs need attention too, ya know. Just because our b00bs are smaller, doesn’t mean we don’t want them to be groped and gazed at as much as the next woman.
11. Weekends are not built for bras. When you’ve got small b00bs, bras are for fun and frolics more than support, so don’t expect to see one between the hours of 6pm Friday and 8am Monday. Unless, you know, we have dinner with your parents or something.
12. Chicken fillets are a thing. No, they’re not real chicken fillets and no, you don’t need to make jokes about them. Just let us cast them aside and let’s never speak of them again.
13. Don’t worry if we don’t have room for your phone in our handbag. Bras function as a superb storage solution. Your iPad and sungla$$es may be a push though, soz.
14. Motor-boating and tit w@nks aren’t really a thing for us. I mean, we’ll try… but you’ll just have to rely on our more ‘hands on’ talents. Which, trust us, we’ll have down to a fine art.
15. Plus, more than a handful really is a waste. #JustSaying.