The Bitch Series #12 – Time to Loosen Up


The Bitch Series #11 – The Escape Plan

TIME: 9:23PM

Barrister Boniface Oguntade was faced with a little problem. He had been working on a case of murder for over two years, no thanks to the poor Nigerian judicial system which is corrupted and let alone the issues of red-tape and bureaucracy. His client, Mr George, had been charged with murder, the story behind his case was that, he was said to have murdered his wife in cold blood all because of he caught her cheating on him with the landlord, but he pleaded not be guilty and the only person who seems to believe him in the whole world is Boniface. Whether. Boniface actually believing him, or just defending him for the money is a question that only Boniface knows the answer to.

The case had been going on and off for straight two years and just when Boniface thought he had won, new evidence that proved Mr George committed the crime just popped out of nowhere. So now, the case just got more complicated and although Boniface had a reputation of never backing out of a case, this case looked like an impossible mission, he started contemplating on dropping the case but wasn’t sure he would get another good case anytime soon if he dropped his current one. A solution to his dilemma arrived when his phone suddenly came alive and started ringing as he went through Mr George case all over again, looking for a loop hole while sitting in his office which also functioned as his home.

He looked at the screen of his phone and saw it wasn’t a number he had saved on his phone, he let if ring twice before he finally picked it. “Barrister Oguntade on the line,” he said immediately. “Barrister Boniface Oguntade?” The caller asked. “Yes, this is him, who is this and how can I help you?” Boniface replied, sounding impatient. “This is Zainab Anderson and I need your services” the caller replied. Both parties didn’t seem to be in the mood to exchange pleasantries as they went straight to the point. Boniface brightened up a little, he could see a light at the end of the tunnel, “What kind of service in particular?” “Services that can’t be spoken over the phone.

Let’s meet tomorrow. How does 2pm sound?” Zainab asked. “What venue?” “Don’t worry about that. I’ll text you the details. I know your office so I could pick you up somewhere close by” “Okay then.” Zainab hung up, then turned to Jummy who had been looking at her as if her eyes could hear what Zainab was saying as she made the call. “Are you sure this lawyer is a good one?” Zainab asked. “Good? Don’t under estimate him, he is the best there is in murder and murder related cases, I got his contact details from Jonathan last year.” Jummy replied. Jonathan was Jummy’s ex, who had been charged with a case of murder too and made use of Boniface services, although he was found not guilty, Jummy didn’t have the mind to keep on dating him, they maintain a cordial friendship relationship.

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“Okay then, if you say so, I really need to sleep now, I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day for me. I’ve got to meet this lawyer and then run to the study to record a new episode of singles and married, E.A won’t be pleased with me if I postpone again” Zainab lamented. “Hope you remember say the doctor talk make you rest well well?” Jummy asked, for the first time in a long while, she switched back to her pidgin. “Yes, I remember but do I really have an option? I just want to get over with the all this plenty wahala on my head” Zainab replied. “Okay then, I guess I’ll be going home now and I’m lucky I still have this injury on my shoulder, I’m sure my boss won’t complain too much concerning my absence after she sees this” Jummy said, and made a mocking sound of pain. Zainab chuckled, “Okay na, I’ll call you before going to see the lawyer tomorrow”.

“That one na your wahala,” Jummy replied and left Zainab house. Zainab looked at the broken pieces of the bottle she threw at the wall and sighed, she regretted wasting such expensive drink and knew she just gave herself extra work since she had to clean it up herself, but she concluded she would do that the next day. She then walked to her bedroom, removed her top therefore exposed her magnificent boobs that were struggling to stay inside the rather small bra. She removed the bra and her trousers, she walked to the front of the mirror and looked at her nude body at the mirror, she was the exact replica of the new coke figure 8 bottle or maybe she was even curvier, she had the right amount of flesh in the right places.

With a huge smile of satisfaction on her face, she walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Before she slept that night, she pinged 3face and P-cube asking them to feature on her show the next day and the agreed. * * * * * It was already 7:45AM when Jummy finally woke up the next morning. She was expected to be at work by 8:00AM and unless she was going to magically teleport herself to work, then she was going to be late, very late! Considering the fact that she had no car anymore after the accident. How she survived such severe crash with such little injury to show for it was nothing short of a miracle and Jummy knew this, even though she hadn’t talked much about it, she promised herself to go to church the next Sunday and give thanksgiving.

As she stood up from her bed, she looked at the wall clock and the time read 2:50, whether it was PM or AM is unknown since it was obvious the clock had stopped working without Jummy noticing, she searched for her wrist watch and saw the actually time, 7:45AM, she became super alert. She broke the world record of bathing for fat people as she was in and out of the bathroom in less than five minutes, in another quick ten minutes, she was already on her way out of the house, heading to her work place. Her speed would have made Superman feel slow. In a total of 35 minutes, Jummy was already seated at her desk trying to act like she wasn’t late. Jummy worked for GNP and was a customer care agent, one of all those people who pick our calls when we dial “190”. GNP means Global Network Provider, they are just like MTN, Etisalat etc., only more popular, or so I’ll like to think. She had barely sat for five minutes when the phone on her desk rang, Jummy sighed.

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“Hello, welcome to GNP customer services, my name is Jane, how may I help you?” Jummy replied. During the course of their training, they were given a limited list of names they were meant to adopt as their customer care name, just for security purposes. “You people are thieves! I just recharged 1000 naira now now so that I would subscribe and all of a sudden, you people told me I don’t have enough credit to subscribe. I thought subscription was now more expensive only for me to check my balance and see N0.00k. What has happened to my credit?” The caller yelled over the phone. Jummy wasn’t stunned or surprised, she received such calls daily. “Sir, what exactly did you want to subscribe for?” Jummy asked calmly. “Blackberry things na, abi e get another thing then they subscribe for, una must return my money oh!!!” The recipient yelled ignorantly.

Jummy wanted to say, “Kilon worry eh? shey na me take your money? Better no dey shout for my head before I trace your house come beat you,” but she knew most of the calls were being monitored by her “oga at the top”. She took a chill pill and replied, “Hold on for a minute sir, let me go through your line and check where the problem is” “Which one is ‘go through my line’ again? I’m saying you people have thief my 1k and you are going through my line, what concern my line with my credit?” The caller replied, it was obvious he had no idea what “Line” meant in this context. Jummy just ignored him and started punching some buttons on her keyboard, few minutes later she was done, “Sir, from what I’m seeing here, you didn’t pay for last month subscription but somehow manipulated your line to browse for free, we only took back what belonged to us once we found out.

I’m sorry sir” She replied. “Ahh! It’s not me that use this sim last month oh, me and Rasaki dey change sim well well, make I give you him number so that you go collect the money from e sim, me just collect this sim today today” The recipient replied, his funny blend of pidgin English and normal English was confusing Jummy. “Sir, there is nothing I can do. But don’t worry, we have collected the 1000 naira of last month so you can subscribe now and nothing would happen” Jummy tried to sound convincing. “But what concern my money with Rasaki nah? I talk say na Rasaki wey use this sim last month, so I…” Jummy was fed up, “Orie ti baje, you use cheat browse, come they shout for my head, thunder fire your papa!” She cut in. “Err? Wetin you just talk now now?” Jummy who realised she had just gone against her work ethics knew she had to end the call now and pray the supervisor hadn’t been monitoring the call.

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“Sir, if that would be all, I’ll have to end the call now. Thanks for using GNP. Bye,” and she hung up while the caller kept on lamenting to a dead line. Just then the intercom rang and she picked it immediately, the number “1” blinked on the screen, which only meant the call was coming from the supervisor. “Hello” Jummy said, uncertain of what to expect, she hoped the supervisor hadn’t been listening to the call. “Come to my office now,” the supervisor who was a female said and hung up. Zainab woke up on the right side of the bed and was feeling unusually happy about herself. It had been a while since she slept so well and it sure felt real good. She looked at the time piece on the bed side table and saw it was nearly 12pm already. “So I slept all morning?” She thought to herself, before she recalled she was supposed to meet with Boniface in two hour’s time and she was yet to make any plans.

She picked up the complimentary card of Barrister Boniface which Jummy had given her and read the contents. She wanted to know the address of the law firm if it can be called that. “No. 6, Benson Akinyele Street, Isolo. Near St Pauls Anglican church, Oke-Afa.” She read the address on the card out loud. She knew the place and figured it would be an hour drive, she picked up her phone and sent the vaguest text ever to Boniface; “Meet me at Chicken Republic. 2PM”. She believed he would be able to understand the text fully if he is as smart as Jummy says he is. She quickly went to the bathroom and bathed, then few minutes later she was on her way to the venue. It was 1:30PM when she parked her car in the parking lot of the venue, so she knew she had thirty minutes to spare, she picked up her phone and dialled Jummy’s number but it wasn’t answering so she assumed Jummy was busy. She glanced at the eatery and then murmured some words which had the name “Richard”, before she walked out of her car and into the eatery to wait for the lawyer.



(c) Chistar

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