So there I stood, staring at a woman who in as much as I would love to deny it, can beat the living hell out of me.
She was obviously a catholic judging from cloth she wore which was a blouse and wrapper made of ankara, the ankara was customized and had pictures of the ‘supposed’ marry all over it with tha abbrevation, ‘CW0’, written on it too.
My throat was getting strangly dry so I swallowed some siliva to wet it, I wasn’t going to let a woman intimidate me, so I manned up as asked;
‘Madam, you no dey see road?” I inquired.
‘So you throwaway my orange for gutter and you still get mouth talk abi?” she said and relocated the scarf on her head to her waist ready for a fight, or is it ‘ready for a beat?’
She came closer and grabbed me with my belt and held it firmly, she shook me so vigorously that my feet left the floor. I felt so powerless and weightless in her arms as I stand helplessly at her praying help would come.
She then raised her hand to slap me and I started saying my last prayers when someone startled her saying;’Michael! Is that you?
‘Before I replied, I strained my eyes in the dark to catch a clear glimpse of the persons face. it was miss ‘aren’t you dropping here at Choba?”, yes! It was Queeneth, who of course was the last person I had hoped to see.
‘Chai I don fall my hand today!’ I thought.
She walked closer to have a clearer view of the guy a woman was about beating to pulp.
‘Ah!! Michael, what’s going on here?” she asked me with a genuine worrisome look on her face.
‘it’s nothing jhur, I and this aunty are just playing’ I replied, grinning foolishly.
‘You and who dey play for here?” the woman asked, not exactly sure about what was going on anymore.
‘anhan madam! No be play our two dey play since?” I asked foolishly once again, hoping she would just play along until Queeneth leaves us to continue ‘playing’. silly me right? Lol, na so I see am oh.
‘Madam, please what’s the problem?” queeneth inquired from the woman.
‘na this stew peed small boy oh!, this isi ewu wey throwaway my orange for gutter and hin no wan pay
NB: isi ewu= goat head.
‘Ah!! Madam your lie can restore the devil back as second in charge in the heaven hierarchy,’ I tried denying it using my fake british accent.
It’s funny how we stammer or change our accent when we want to lie.
Queeneth seemed not to be interested in what I was saying as she asked;
‘How much are the oranges ma?”’na just #2500 oh’ She replied.
‘Ah!! Madam! When orange cost reach that one? Shey na buy one get one bar of gold free?” I retorted.
Queeneth ignored me once again and brought out her purse.
She ransacked it and brought out different denominations of the Nigerian currency, some #100 notes, #500 and about two #1000 notes.
‘Madam take this! I don’t know how much is there but I know it’s more than #2500’
The woman reluctantly took the money after she looked at me from head to toe and hissed.
‘na God send this girl to save you, I for teach you lesson wey you no go fit tell your pikin’
Then she picked up her tray and cat walked away with her big ikebe bouncing happily, or should I say elephant walk?
PS: Ikebe= äss/yänsh/buttocks.
When the woman was far beyond our view, I turned to queeneth and said;
‘thanks a million, I feel so embarrassed right now’
‘it’s no problem, shît happens and when they do, we are to simply meant to flush it’
‘hmm, words of wisdom, I’ll keep that in mind’ I teased her.
She just smiled in response.
‘ermm, about the debt I owe you, I’ll refund it down to the very last penny and add 10k on top just to show my appreciation.” I promised.
‘Na! Don’t bother. I’ve got to go home now, I’ll see you around later’ she replied and walked away.
‘queeneth!” I called her name, for reasons I didn’t even know… I just did.
‘Yes!?, any problem?” she inquired.
‘Can I ask you for somthing?” I replied, hoping something would pop into my head soon.